How delayed information processing can be both a struggle and a gift

Have you ever felt like you wanted to say something that felt incredibly important to you in the moment, but you could only find the right words for it later, when the opportunity was already gone?

Maybe it was a meeting at work where you had the inkling of a great idea, but by the time you could express it, the meeting was already over.

Or maybe it was a moment with someone you loved, where you felt a vague yearning or sensation in your chest, but it was only later that you were able to articulate the full depth of what you wanted to share.

Anyone can struggle to find the right words sometimes. But for many neurodivergent people, this is a feature of how our brain operates.

When we experience delayed processing, there’s a time lag between a perception, a thought, or a feeling (that is, our inner experience of the world), and our outward expression of it.

This processing delay can have very different origins, depending on the person and the context. Unfortunately, the resulting behavior can be easily misread by others, especially in a world where we often expect instant responses.

Here are some examples:

• Many autistic people experience alexithymia, which makes identifying and describing emotions in real-time difficult. Being autistic myself, I might freeze completely when someone asks me how I’m feeling. It’s not that I don’t have feelings (I have many), but I can’t always instantly translate them into words. This simply takes time; sometimes minutes, sometimes hours, sometimes even weeks or months.
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• Someone with ADHD may find it hard to keep track of parallel conversations in a meeting. Their brain may still be processing something from a few moments earlier. Or they may be connecting it to several related thoughts in their mind. By the time they respond, the conversation has already moved on. This can come across as disruptive or off-topic, when their brain simply operates at a different rhythm.
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• A person with dyslexia may need more time to process spoken or written language. Others might interpret this as hesitation or uncertainty, when the person is actually still working through what was said. If they’re constantly disrupted before they get a chance to speak, it can start chipping away at their confidence, often from a young age.

Notice how, in all these examples, the issue is not the processing delay per se, even though that’s how it can feel in the moment. Rather, it’s a mismatch between the speed at which a person’s brain operates and what the environment expects.

Here’s a different way of looking at the same examples:

• The autistic person may be able to express themselves in great depth and detail in writing, where they have a bit more time to collect their thoughts and reflect on their feelings (yes, that’s me again).
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• The person with ADHD may be able to make new and creative connections in a meeting, precisely because their brain doesn’t follow a linear agenda where topics are processed one at a time.
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• The dyslexic person may have brilliant and highly valuable ideas that simply need a bit more time to find their way into language.

See how we just reframed “a delay in processing” as a “different way of making sense of the world.” That reframe offers a much more empowering lens for supporting neurodivergent people.

Rather than assuming there is one “optimal” speed for processing information – one that neurodivergent people fail to meet – it acknowledges that different people simply process at different speeds.

There should be no shame in needing more time than others to express ourselves. Because in many cases, that extra time is what allows us to express ourselves more fully.

I can’t tell you how much I’ve benefitted from having people around me – at work and in my personal life – who never put pressure on me when I’m struggling to articulate my thoughts or feelings. They trust that I’ll get back to them later. And I always do (or at least, I’ll do my very best!).

I’ve seen the same with neurodivergent friends, loved ones, and colleagues. So many of us grew up feeling judged and criticized for being “too slow” (or, in some cases, “too fast,” which is a topic for another article).

When we accept that some people need more time than others, we give people permission to finally be who they are. They can start breathing again and contribute more fully, with the right support and understanding.

How to give someone the time they need

So, how do we create space for everyone to share their ideas and feelings, including those who need a bit more processing time?

Here are some practical strategies that have helped me and other neurodivergent people, at work and in our personal lives:

1. Offer asynchronous communication options whenever possible.

Not all conversations need to happen in real time. Give people the chance to engage at their own pace, before or after a live conversation.

• At work: Rather than expecting people to respond on the spot, offer ways to contribute in advance or afterwards. Ahead of a brainstorm, you could share a digital whiteboard where people can start pinning ideas before the session or add to it afterwards. Some people will submit their best ideas when they’ve had time to think at their own pace.
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• In personal relationships: Consider using voice messages or written notes rather than always defaulting to live conversation, particularly for anything emotionally complex. Not as a replacement for real-time, face-to-face contact, which is important for most people too, but as a way of inviting more thoughtful reflections. Sometimes, intimacy lives as much in the depth of our words as in the warmth of our eyes.

2. Share the content before the conversation.

When you meet for a conversation, share information ahead of time when you can. This gives people time to think and process. It also means you’re more likely to enter the conversation with the same expectations of what you’re trying to achieve (which benefits everyone, neurodivergent or not).

• At work: Share meeting materials, discussion questions, and key decision items ahead of time. Also consider building in time in the agenda for connections to emerge across topics, so non-linear thinkers have more space to contribute without being forced into a rigid structure.
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• In personal relationships: If you know you want to discuss something important, give your loved one a heads-up whenever possible. This gives them time to articulate their thoughts before you have your conversation, allowing you both to connect more fully and deeply.

3. Lower the “instant reply” pressure explicitly.

If an urgent response is not needed, say so. Make the implicit explicit.

• At work: As a manager, you could say: “I’d love your perspective on this. Take some time to think about it, and we’ll revisit it in our next 1:1.” Don’t underestimate how much your role as a manager puts implicit pressure on people to respond quickly, even when it’s not needed. You need to actively defuse this by being explicit about your expectations.
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• In personal relationships: Agree that it’s okay to take time to respond and come back to a conversation later. If you name this when you’re both calm, you’ll avoid misunderstandings when emotions run high or when one of you feels overwhelmed (for many of us who are neurodivergent, stress and fatigue can further slow down processing).

By applying these and other strategies consistently, you create the processing space for neurodivergent people to share their ideas and emotions more fully.

We may still struggle in the moment as we try to put words to our thoughts and feelings. But knowing that the other person is ready to receive them later reassures us that the moment won’t be gone forever.

We can still express what we want to express.

It’s just a matter of time.